End of year ramble

Sheesh, I can't believe Christmas is over... I had a good time with family and friends... and watching the nephews open their gifts is always a delight. Wore my red antlers much to Frank's distress... hehehehe

So now I sit making plans for 2009... I'm still working on the resolutions... and plans on how to stick to them... I went to church on Sunday and the minister (who I'm hugely fond of) spoke really well. He spoke about the fact that 2009 can be different. He quoted a man who went to see an alcoholic family and tried to find the right words to say as he walked in. the first words he said, which shaped his interaction from there, were so simple: "It doesn't have to be this way".

So that's where I'm starting. Not that I have dramatic stuff in my life.... but I'm looking at stuff I disliked about this year and seeing how they can be different... Most times I'm realising it's about my attitude... so, lets see if I can be more positive, more hopeful, and less terrified this year...

On a totally separate note. The Times newspaper did a story on me a little while back... on the whole being gay and godly thing... I've had such an incredible response - from around the world, which has been weird... seems people want to talk about it... so I may blog a bit more about it, if that's ok... (it's my blog and I can if I wanna

Not sure I'll be online before New Years - so Merry Christmas (belatedly) and hope the start to 2009 is awesome!!!!!

Clarification and "The Shack"

Just to clarify yesterday's post - I do not believe I'm in midlife (or any type of crisis), but Jung appears to think I am. Jung had a different concept of the midlife to what we have... for him it was when you entered what he called the "second adulthood" which could happen anytime, but usually around 35 to 45. Read the Hollis book and it will make sense.

On a different note, I read "The Shack" and finished it this morning. I really wanted to see what all the hype was about and see what I, as a very disillusioned christian, but vehement Christ-follower, would get out of it.

Short answer - it was lovely. Just that - a book filled with love, wherever you may be in your life. I'm not sure about it theologically - but that's actually irrespective. It paints such a lovely picture of God - and says something I've believed in for years - we have such a skewed picture of God, and lose sight of what its all about. Jesus said it more than any other saying in his speaking - he said "the kingdom of God is at hand". For anyone. No alter call, no daily devotions, no having to be perfect and read the bible in a year, no legalistic living, no praying in tongues... all its about is meeting Papa (from "The Shack") where you're at and knowing that he/she digs you lank! Simple stuff... from there its about building a relationship, whatever that means for you...

Barbara Johnson said it well - "God's love does not demand that you change, God's love changes you".

I'm loved - even thought the Church excluded me... and I forgive them.

Okay, enough rambling... I'm sick and have a throat infection and using this to make up for not being able to speak...

Reflections of a year

2008 is nearly over... and what a year! Filled with the expected highs and lows - but all in all, it's been an interesting one with so much to be grateful for...

So I won't bore you with my gratitude journal, but start the process of looking at next year.

You see, I am a New Year's resolution kinda guy - but more in a goal setting kind of way. I recently read an excellent book by James Hollis called "The Middle Passage: From Misery to Meaning in Midlife". Its a study of Jung's concept of the Second Adulthood, and in it he talks about the the mid-life being a stage where you stop living your life like reading a novel. When you read a novel, you sit as an observer, watching the events unfold, and wait for some kind of resolve to happen before the book ends. We live our lives in much the same way, or at least I did, watching my life as an observer, waiting for some kind of resolution. The problem is by the time the resolution happens, if it does, its usually on your death bed - that "Oh! I should've been a rock star" realisation. Well the book takes it a lot further than I have, but it did open my eyes as to how I want to live.

So now I'm making plans for the year ahead...

Problem is, I have no idea where to start...

I have ideas - I know I want to find a spiritual home and actively seek one next year. I want to freelance and spread my wings into more meaty stuff. I want to start my book that I plan to write... I want to go to gym as actively as I did earlier this year... I want to blog more often...

See, so much... I'm already tired. Maybe its far easier to sit back and watch it unfold?

ABBA have made a comeback

Well, for me at least.

After years of being an ardent "I hate ABBA" man, I have to declare that the tides have turned, and I'm a changed man. The combination of watching Mamma Mia, Bjorn Again at Gold Reef City, rehearsing for the ABBA show I perform in and seeing the way people at the show simply love the fab four, I've started to rethink my stance on them.

You see, I have history with ABBA. They're a bit of a soundtrack to my life. Well, my childhood specifically. My mom's favourite song was "Fernando" and I remember us singing along to it. The last album they released was "Super Trouper" and it came out while my folks were divorcing. "The Winner Takes It All" became an anthem for their divorce and I can remember my brother and I listening to the song with tears in our eyes. Even now, I can't listen to that song without getting a bit blubby.

But now! I've had CD's in my car (not mine, borrowed from Father dearest) and have been playing them every time I drive anywhere. Working in Joburg means I drive a lot, so I've spent a lot of time with Agnetha and the gang. And slowly but surely they've grown on me.

What hasn't helped is that Frank is a fan (he loves anything disco) and he loves rehearsing with me - he's a closet back-up singer. So every time we're in the car, it's like a show... I'll sneakily try record a video so you can see. It really cute, until we stop at a robot and the car next to us looks across to see two blokes yelling "Super Trouper" in the front of a Nissan Hardbody.

This weekend sees the last of the "Mamma Mia - the Dinner" shows. It's been interesting and a lot of fun. I'm glad I've got over my ABBA thing... well, forced to I suppose. In fact, ABBA's left me a happier man. I find I'm arriving at work more cheerful, having had a good time yelling "Dancing Queen" to the taxi's whipping in front of me.

And I get to see Frank having a blast - something my history with the group shouldn't deny him.

Cape Town!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!

I booked my ticket to Cape Town. Going to spend a week in my old home in January... I was recently in Cape Town for a night reviewing a hotel and really felt like I needed to get back for a good old catch up. I love Cape Town in summer and really finding myself missing it now.

Winter I'll love Joburg again...

Thats the thing, Joburg is home, but I really feel like life started in Cape Town. It's where I discovered so much of myself and how I fit into the world... its the place where, as I turned 30, I said "Clive, you've lived your life for the last 30 years trying to get approval from the world, now you choose to live the next 30 differently". I still like approval but Cape Town is where I became a man...

Even though, I'll always be a boy... a boy from Benoni...

So January will be a week of sipping my favourite wines, long walks on the beach and good times with friends... I'll also be introducing friends to Frank, so that should be fun...

and maybe I'll get to catch up with a blog buddy or two :)

Am excited like a lil keeeeeeeeeeeed I tell you!