Where was I?

You probably think I've been in hiding? Or sunning my gay skin in some little resort on the Mediterranean. Maybe you think I've been on some silent retreat getting to know the inner beatings of my ego. Maybe you think I've been up all night burning the midnight oil as I studied the ways of the world and got familiar with nuclear physics.

Well, you'd be wrong.

I've been lazy.

And busy...

Well, with what you might ask...

Where to start. Would you believe me if I told you I was busy meeting the President instead of blogging? I was actually. Spent a day waiting to see him and ten minutes shaking his hand and watching him chat to people more important than I am, but I met Zuma nonetheless.

And that's significant. Because Zuma knows Madiba. Which is significant. And Madiba knows Naomi Campbell. Not so significant. But.... Naomi shot the Sex book with Madonna and was naked with her, so by default I kind of met Madonna.

S'true...

So what else have I been up to?

Planning a wedding darlings... planning a wedding.

The big day is less than seven months away and I have recently had more and more people saying things like "how is the planning going?" or "shoo, you must be stressed". Their questions have made me more stressed than the planning has, because I hadn't really done any planning. We've booked the venue, chatted about the meal, started looking for someone who's keen to marry us but won't want us to wear feather boas because that's what they think a gay wedding should be, and started notifying family to prepare themselves to see two men kiss in front of them.

What more is there to do?

A lot it seems. I got one of those marriage magazines (there's none for men - not even grooms or for the gays) and saw the lists of things they told you to do. Apparently I have to get a training programme together so I can lose weight. Apparently you must be thin for your wedding. Especially if you're wearing a sleeveless number. I never thought of wearing a sleeveless number, but hey, you know gay men and their love for vests. But May is not good for sleeveless numbers (this magazine is full of good advice) so best to wear a shawl.

Please can someone refer me to a site or magazine that gives advice for homo's who want to get civil-unioned? Reading about the importance of seeing if wearing my hair up will work with the veil I've chosen is not really ideal.

I am obviously wearing my hair up.

It's also really difficult to find someone to do the vows. We're not planning a big "walk-down-the-aisle and have a talk about being submissive" (which is totally different in gay terms to straight terms - my Dad would pass out) kind of thing. We want the "let's-say-our-vows-between-starters-and-main-meal" kind of thing. Most people want to charge a deposit on a house just to do that... and those that don't want to do some kind of apache vow and traditional smoke signalling to union us. Finding the right fit is proving to be hard.

Meeting Madonna and planning a gay ol' union has been frightfully consuming, but I do promise to be better about keeping in touch.