I quit being a Christian

"Today I quit being a Christian. I'm out. I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being 'Christian' or to being part of Christianity. It's simply impossible for me to 'belong' to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group."

"In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen."

These were two tweets posted by author Anne Rice recently. The writer of Interview With The Vampire has caused outrage by her statements, deciding to leave all things Christian because of other Christians, really.

I've seen some of the responses. Most Christians in the circle of social media I interact with have agreed that Christians are the worst marketing tool for Christianity while others have tried to remind people how important it is to believe in God despite His or Her followers.

I'm glad Ms Rice said what she did.

I've wondered why I haven't had too much too say on this blog. What was once a platform to vehemently defend Christians, God and those attracted to the same sex has become a silent blog with the odd post to keep in touch with those who I've connected with.

My blog, you might say, has been similar to the God I used to believe in - silent. Things changed over the few years I've spent talking about my Christianity on the blog. Barry's death was the start of my vocal questioning of who this biblical God is. The final nail in the coffin of me declaring to be a Christian was when a church I used to belong to refused to be a part of FJ and my wedding and declared that blessing our marriage was the same as blessing a thief and praying for abundance before he robs a house. That was probably the most hurtful thing I have ever been told.

The blog has been silent because I no longer want to defend my life. I no longer want to explain why FJ and I being married feels like the most natural step in my life, because, well it's my life. My truth is different to yours. I've always said that the greatest gift you can allow someone in life is their truth, especially when it's different to yours. And while the majority of the readers of this blog have been extremely supportive in their comments, it's the silence from friends and some family that has been the loudest. Especially those who are Christians. I've had mails from some saying that they were silent because they disagree with me marrying but glad I'm happy, while most have not acknowledged FJ's place in my life. They have been just like their God - silent.

I have fought to reconcile my belief in the biblical God and a sexuality I never chose. I have chosen to stop fighting.

I suppose you can say the Church won. They would rather not have to deal with people in same-sex relationships and claim to be "wrestling" with it. The Jesus I read about told people where they stood immediately and it was only based on their relationship with him. Nothing else. The thief on the cross next to Christ (which I was compared to) was welcomed into paradise for doing nothing but declaring Christ to be the messiah.

But that's a rambler fight of the past.

I have walked away. A while ago. I am not a Christian. I will not be a part of a church again because I have experienced them to be as Ms Rice says: "quarrelsome, hostile and disputatious." I'm often reminded of an image Trevor Hudson, an incredible minister and author, described in one of his sermons. He spoke of the Christ waiting like a groom for his bride to emerge much like we see in weddings today. As the bride of Christ (the Church) turns to walk down the aisle he sees a battered bride. Her dress torn, bruises on her face. She's been fighting.

That's not a place I choose to be.